The Bitch is Back...Bikini Bitch Diet Returns

Monday, October 5, 2009
First...look at the pretty butterflies! Found thru Luxist...Maya Jewels...the Crimes of Passion perfume bottle Collection.


Yes...Hedonism is my modus operandi. I like to eat, drink, dance, party, make the beast with two backs...who knew I could be Biblical?! But...none of that for a while. The sex thing, yes...the other stuff, no. The Main Man has made an executive decision. We are going to Mexico...back to the land of the bikini. Back to me being on a fucking diet and no fucking alcohol which would help make the fact that I'm not eating fucking tolerable. Fuck! I was kind of hoping I was going to get out of going on this trip. I'm sounding like a whiny bitch, aren't I?! At a fundraiser for the symphony last March, we bid on a trip to Mexico and we won! At the time it sounded great. Only $1000.00 for airline flight for two round trip to Puerto Vallarta...and a condo for 7 days...and it falls on our anniversary. All for $1000.00!! Cool, right?! Well, I started looking at the website of the place where we are staying...not so cool. A whole week in "not so cool". Ugh. I told him we could stay home (he doesn't have to work for the whole week obviously)...and I would make it worthwhile. Hint, Hint. But, no. He said we have fun no matter what hell hole we are in...even if there are screaming children involved...and if I'm really miserable once we get there...we can leave early.

So, I'm back to the calendar taped to my bathroom wall...with my weight goal in big bold numbers, so I can remotely resemble the picture above. Fuck!

Last night I had my last meal...4 cheese pizza with extra pepperoni...1 1/2 bottles of wine and then a chocolate brownie covered in white chocolate...with ice cream!

Let the fun begin!

22 comments:

Sarah Kate said...

Thanks so much Jill.
Very sweet of you! I'm not use to having strangers comment on my work so it's nice to get a good response.
I love how much art you have on your blog!

Do you paint yourself?

Jill said...

No...I don't paint. I wish I were more artistic. I went on a date instead of going to my first rendering class in design school. That was a stupid mistake!

The Townhouselady said...

OH NO! Not the bikini bitch diet!

You get a little crazy pants when deprived of food and libations.

WendyB said...

Do you mind if I blow that photo up and hang it on my ceiling? Would that be weird?

Anonymous said...

AND GUESS WHO SUFFERS THE MOST...YOU GUESSED IT...THE MAIN MAN...I LOSE MY DRINKIN BUDDY...AND THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN...I DRINK TOO MUCH...FUCK...

Jill said...

What would be weird is if I blew it up and hung it over my bed...like Padma Lakshmi! Did you see the mud flap girl necklace around my neck?!!

Anon...you are soooo dramatic!

drollgirl said...

BLEH! diets! BLEH! i would have to go into a coma without food for a good 9 months (OR MORE!) to look like that bikini bitch. BLEH. what's for lunch? all this diet talk is making me hongry. :(

Jill said...

I'm drolly laughing hongrily!

LaDivaCucina said...

Whine, whine, whine....!!!! And La Diva is right there witcha, kiddo!

I've been trying to take off 20 lbs. since I came back from Australia in April!! However, when one drinks her own body weight in wine, it kind of works against one, doesn't it? I've REALLY CUT DOWN and am drinking maybe one bottle a week, but then again, a rum distributor gave me two bottles of booze to experiment with over the weekend....One was Colombian agaurdiente, which tasted like a light anisette...I made cinnamon pear martinis with it and they were DIVINE!!

With all the bike riding, swimming and laps I do around the beach, ya think I'd look like a supermodel. I figure it's just staved off even more weight! So, what's gorgeous middle-aged gal to do? It sucks.

Come on over honey, I've got a nice crisp Albarino we can drown our sorrows in! haha!

PS: Very sexy shot by the way!

Jill said...

Liquor is the culprit...and tortillas, chips, burritos, quesadillas...

I love Albarino!

jason said...

a date instead of a class? Hmmm....
makes me think...I think if I went on a date every time I wanted to eat, I'd probably lose weight too. I'd probably become bulimic come to think of it.



Anyway, you're gorgeous already, so why gild the lily????

But good luck, just the same.

Sher said...

I just found out this weekend, that straight vodka has the least amount of calories in it. So it's considered my diet drink from now on.

judy aldridge said...

I just had a spam from a personal trainer that speaks only spanish, and looks pretty hot. Should I send him your way?

Jill said...

I LOVE you Sher!! Straight vodka it is. The main man should be happy.

Savvy Gal said...

diet is really a bitch. also why is it the first thing to go are the boobs.... : (

Jill said...

Judy...Si, Si, Senorita!!

Jill said...

Jason...this particular date was not worth missing out on the rendering class. He was a chiropractor...and it turned out that he had a girlfriend who saw us eating lunch together and threw a very public fit.

MJ said...

*laughing at La Diva's line*...

However, when one drinks her own body weight in wine, it kind of works against one, doesn't it?

Belle de Ville said...

That is the sexiest photo of you...and yes....you should put it over your bed.
I had to go on a date last night and none of my jeans fit, so I'm going on the no alcohol diet too...or at least that's my intention.
I think that a beach vacation or a date can the the motivators that women who enjoy their food and wine need.

Jill said...

I think trips where a bikini must be worn and nights where there is a particular dress I want to wear are the only things that keep me in control! Vanity too, probably.

LaDivaCucina said...

VANITY IS THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR ME! Health? meh. Hey, no matter what I weigh I can look good and sexy and people tell me so. A blogging buddy said to me recently: "embrace your curves" Ok. Will do. But...here's the thing, being 20lbs. overweight ages a Diva and WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! Ain't no such thang as a frumpy Diva!!! Let the calorie counting begin!!!

Dorothy L said...

I love the way you present your thoughts and ideas on your blog....very refreshing!

Diets are never fun as they tend to put us on a controlled merry-go-round which we cannot get off if we want to:(

But all in all...you will appreciate the results.

You do look very sexy in that photo!